Posted on 2008.10.01 at 14:27
well, steve's closed down yesterday for an undetermined amount of time, and I find myself without a job.
this blows. :(
Posted on 2008.07.16 at 22:35
Current Mood: scared
So, my ex, david, is the biggest a-hole I have met yet. Something traumatic has happened in my life, and all he could say was that I was a cheating cunt and he's glad this is happening. Well, fuck you buddy.
He, he being bed-fellow, on the other hand is being a sweetheart and telling me everything will be okay. And is offering to be there for me 4-5 months down the line. Who is trying to make things better, or at least seem better.
Now, this is someone whom I have not had a relationship with, in fact stated he did not want to date me, yet is being TWICE the man David ever will be. And, I was in a relationship with David for 7 months.
Seriously I was so unhappy with him, yet I tried like I do with every other relationship I'm in. This is the longest time I've been single, and I'm happy. I'm truly happy.
Worst wasted 7 months of my life if you ask me.
What did I get from him? Yes, he did provide me with a place to go to to get away from my grandparents. Yes he did buy me food, and help me financially. But for what? To be accused of cheating by a drunk who pisses on himself and his girlfriend? Or someone who is passed out before its even dark? Or who doesn't even want to meet any of your friends or vice versa?
I should've ended it when everyone of my friends told me to. He'd ask me why I was still with David, and I could not come up with an answer. I couldn't. I tried to make up a bullshit answer, but he saw right through that. I should have ended it then, not to be with another guy, but to be happy. And, I know he wasn't trying to get me to break up with him for the sole purpose of getting into my pants.
I didn't see what a dick David was until today. I knew I didn't love him, I've known for a while. I just didn't realize that he was a complete jackass.
David is butt hurt over my man-friend, because he think that he stole me away. Truth is, nobody could have stolen me away because my heart was never his. I tried, believe me I tried to fall in love with him. David thinks my man-friend is an ass because he doesn't love me and will still fuck me. So fricken what? I have sex with people I don't love.
I know he cares more about me than David does.
Posted on 2008.06.20 at 18:42
Current Mood: intimidated
My ribs still kinda hurt, not as bad as yesterday or the day before though. A couple of possibilities of why it hurt was brought to my attention. Then, I thought, hah yeah that could be it. Shut up!
Tonight is going to be uneventful. Might go see a movie, might not. Why is it always Saturday? Heh. Anyways, tomorrow I'm going to be having a talk with him. Since you know, thats the designated weekly day and all the other days are spontaneous. But yeah, I'm not looking forward to the talk. Because it can go one of two ways, and I'm expecting the worst to happen. . .
Ugh, why do I have to be such a pussy when it comes to shit like this. Heh, damn. Yeah, I've been trying to think of what to say but I can't figure it out. . . I mean, I want to state whats going on with me, and find out whats going on with him, but I don't want to know the answer. You know?
Why does shit have to be so complicated? Someone brought it to my attention, how I was feeling. He asked if I was starting to fall for my "bed fella" (his nickname for a friend with benefit). Which was embarrassing because you know, I was at a place where he was when this occurred. And I didn't know how to answer. I finally just lied and said no, but my friend knew me better and pulled me outside during his "smoking break".
Oi, yah. So, this talk, I just want to get it out of the way. I mean, I know I'm going to procrastinate with a passion on the talk, and probably never have it, but I should have it, ya know? I mean, there are a few possibilities. The worst, which could be not continuing with anything. For the better, something actually happening for the positive. Then the neutral, continuing with our activities like nothing happened. Then uncategorized and it just being awkward anytime we are around each other.
Ugh. I hate confrontation, and sharing of feelings. But, I am going to have to do it. Just see what happens. I just need to decide when I'll be having this talk......
Ugh, too late haha. I just sent him a text stating that I needed to have a talk with him one of these days, but no rush..
Hopefully its not tonight, I'm not ready.
Posted on 2008.06.18 at 22:01
Current Location: My Room
Current Mood: content
Well, I start school on Monday. Pre-algebra. I'm pretty excited about it, aside from you know being in basic math. I been goin to school practically every morning to finish all my paperwork, and getting everything settled. I'm taking 17 units in the fall. Physical Anthropology, Ceramics, Elementary Algebra, and College Composition. I may have to drop the ceramics, just to lighten the load up a bit. I qualified for the BOG Waiver, so my fees were waived, and a refund was given in the form of credit.
Work is going swimmingly. I'm there a few days out of the week, and I'll try to pick up whatever shifts I can. I haven't driven a whole lot, but that is okay.
I just went to the dentist, and had a cavity filled. It was the worst experience ever. I hate shots, and I was hyperventilating before the needle even was touched. I was in tears half the time. And, due to my high tolerance to pain killers, I could feel the drilling even after 5 shots of Novocain. On the brighter side, I need all my wisdom teeth taken out, and it will be $500 a tooth. But, I only have 3 wisdom teeth.
As for the guy I am interested in. I like him a lot, he's a good guy and we get along great. And, I have no clue whats going on between us at the moment. And, since I hate talking things out or communication of any sort, I will prolly let things drag on how they are until one of us is hurt. hah. We see each other practically everyday, at school, and talk every night almost. I have no clue whats up. But, I'm happy with not knowing at the time being, although it would be in my best interest to figure out the dealio pronto.
BTW, now anyone can leave a comment.
Posted on 2008.06.08 at 02:03
Current Mood: happy
I had fun. I cleaned my room before I went to work today. Its lookin nice, tomorrow before work I'll clean my closet again....
Work I was on salad bar all night, which was a piece of cake. Then I clocked out, and clocked back in (2hrs before I was scheduled to go home) to make a delivery, which I made out with a $10 tip. Then, I was home by 8:30/9ish.
Went to Brit's to shower because our fucking water was turned off for no good reason and I needed to shower.
Hung out at my house, watched C.S.I Las Vegas, my fave one, and part of secretary. Went to Raley's to buy some bottled water for my grandparents.
Talked to David on the phone, and had a nice conversation. I'm hopin we can remain friends, I know he's trying.
Started to fall asleep, but kept smelling my pillows and it woke me up. Texted for a bit....
Looking at my wall of memories, which I will have to post a picture of because it ROCKS!
Now I can't sleep because I have a lot on my mind at the moment. My thoughts are running a mile a minute, and I've got no answers...
This is it for the moment.
Posted on 2008.06.05 at 20:57
Well, today was good.
I got a new printer! YAY, and I have been finishing organizing my room, which I love. I made a wall of memories. hahah, yeah I am a dork. I put up so many pictures on my wall its not even funny. I'm crocheting a new blanket too. Its forest green and Black, which I am also excited about. :D
I am also doing pretty good at steve's pizza. Went head to head with a supervisor the other day, but its all good. I started delivering this week. Went on three deliveries, and made a whole $25 in tips, which lasted me a whole 20 minutes.
Looking for a 9-5 normal job, like career-wise, so something outside of retail and food service.
I got an external harddrive last week, which I went from having 4,000 songs, to having over 10,000! Thanks to a pretty cool guy I know. :D hah, I couldn't believe some of the music files that he had. It just didn't seem like something he'd listen to, so that was pretty cool. And, he couldn't believe that I knew practically every artist that he had.
Not "dating" anyone yet, though many people think that I am, I am not. I do like him, we do hang out semi;often, but we are not "together". Nor will I be "with" someone for a bit. I meant what I said about remaining single for a while.
Out of the past 3 years, I've been single a whole 2 months of that time. 1 month between Austin and next guy, 1 month between that guy and David. I'm not going to follow my norm and get right back into a relationship, whether I think I want it or not.
Since I've been single, I've been drawing again, being productive, and creative. I've been happy. I'm not saying I wasn't happy being in a relationship, its just a different kind of happy.
Off the subject of the post completely, but I need to get to a dentist sometime in the near future. My teeth are killin me!
But, back to the whole relationship thing. Yes, there isn't much anything else I would love more than to wake up with someone there next to me and go to sleep with that person there as well, but thinking logically and realistically, that is not going to happen. Nor, am I ready for that to happen.
When I was with said guy, it wasn't like that. We didn't fall asleep in each others arms. we watched movies and bullshitted the whole time.
As for tonight, I think I am going to curl up with a nice book for part of the night, crochet, and maybe start on my celtic kaleidoscope. and go crazy looking for my glasses because i lost my $250 frames and cry myself to sleep.
Posted on 2008.05.23 at 22:18
Current Mood: Shitty
So, I broke up with David last week. It was hard for me. I still love him so much, but I couldn't take the massive amounts of alcohol consumption.
Well, I went on a date a couple days ago. And, the guy left marks. David saw them yesterday when we went out, and said he wanted nothing to do with me.
I completely understand, but how is it that he can complain about how immature I am, and then turn around and be a hypocrite about it.
On the brighter side!
My car was broken into yesterday when we were at the movies. My stereo, digital camera, and a bag of cat toys were stolen. And, in an angry rage I threw my phone on the parking lot concrete and is going back and forth between working and not.
My car is having problems and is randomly turning off mid-use.
This just isn't my week.
Posted on 2008.05.08 at 22:13
Seeing as how I work for a company owned by barnes and noble, gamestop, my book list is ever growing.
Total number of books: 90
Posted on 2008.05.08 at 12:44
Well, its been a while since I've updated. I started working at steves on the 26th of april. I was sick on my 2nd day of work, and deathly ill for a week.
A friend of mine ended his life last week. And I've been an emotional rollercoaster since I found out....
I'm slowly getting all my bills paid. We get paid on monday @ steve's, and I'll be paying my cell phone. Then, when I finally get my money from when I worked for my mom, I'll give that to my grandpa too and pay my car and credit card bill...
More updates to come.
Posted on 2008.04.26 at 13:38
Yay, I got a new job. FINALLY!!! I've been searching everyday for months, and I finally have a job. I work for Steve's Pizza at 5 points now. Wahoo!
Hopefully this job lasts.